and we'll pretend that it meant something, so much more

I've been writing fragments since I left/arrived that have been lost to history and bad connections and transit missteps.

I have an office, with windows, that someone should only get twenty years in, and a private line soon printed on business cards. Today I read something that will be news that I am expected to think about and make little red insightful marks on. I stare out my window at a fountain in a park, because that's what my floor to ceilings look at. I'm not yet 25.

My office subscribes to the economist, I have keys to everything and stole it for an overnighter. Ironically, I have a sweet office but not yet a house, which hopefully happens tomorrow and maybe will be fine.

I'm not lonely yet.

Someone I work for took me out for lunch and we had conspiratorial conversations and tomorrow I'll put two things on his desk with handwriting all over, when I show up at 7 am to get there the same time as someone else I work for and get some papers signed. It's so fresh that none of this seems like a hassle. Today I selected a day planner for next year from a book so a secretary could order it for me, I chose the 100% recycled version.

The people I work with are smart and hard working but they aren't genius. It's so rare in this field, but I know it when I see it. I've worked for it. It sent me an article, for my first day, that sprung from a conversation we'd had about hypothetical ideas in an office a few years ago. My questions and suggestions, his answers, for all the world to see. It made me believe in something I thought I'd stopped believing in.

I spent last weekend with my boyfriend and just got an email that he's going to be an hour bus ride away from here Thursday night before he leaves to be much further away. It would be a hotel night in a random city, but it's better than nothing. I think he drunkenly said he loved me, which was scary because saying it back has all kinds of connotations in my head and it's been so long since I was in that kind of relationship, so I didn't press for clarification.

My supervisor noted that for the first five years he was with his wife, they spent a year total in the same city, if everything was added up and once a thousand dollars on a phone bill in a month.