I know half the people in these wedding pictures, two surfers I love got hitched on the beach; I sit here and wish I was there. Looking at who was at their wedding makes me realize how real being there was. I was part of that. Those were my friends too.

Today I'm supposed to have people over for dinner. I'm supposed to do homework. I'm supposed to be responsible and functional and productive. I had planned to read the weekend newspaper, answer emails, clean up my room a little. The completely normal urban mid-twenties existence. Is boring.

Thinking about it is paralyzing.

I couldn't go back right away because I wouldn't come home.

And this is a secret from virtually everyone in my life right now.