At the show last night, I could have macked the headliner, but I didn't, because I have a boyfriend. I have a picture of him hugging me, which is kind of cool given that I've listened to my favorite song by him hundreds of times, and given how that song reminds me of that amazing stoked blue water feeling and being so far away from here.
I miss the life. The concert last night was like a secret advertisement for the life, audible only to those who have lived it. I thought I would come back and change back, but I haven't. I don't consume anymore, the impulse to acquire left. I care a lot less about appearances, but have remained in touch with what I figured out makes me sexy -- which has a lot less to do with appearances than anyone thinks.
People aren't as happy here.
Being by the ocean, surfing, made me realize that life is beautiful and short and full. It made me understand how small I am in the world, and yet how small things have impact. I find the home culture that I was raised in, after twenty something years, really neurotic and concerned with things that don't matter. Two months later, the tan has faded but none of the feelings have and last night was listening to a sea shell from a beach far far away.
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Today I went out for brunch with a bff and his bf. They're in the process of moving in together and he's in the process of coming out to his parents when that happens. All of us figure that they already know. His boyfriend was super attractive and had amazing social skills and in some ways reminded me of mine. We talked about how we are difficult to date.
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Everything is closed down and I'm working on something so far past due. Or, rather, not working on it by doing this right now.
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