depeche mode

The night is warm and my hair is salty, big, wild. He's driving with no shoes, we stop for beer and head to the party, which is at this amazing house. We'd watched the sun set on the pier, the wind and the waves. All of us sing along when it gets to the chorus.

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms

I don't see anyone from that night again, it doesn't matter. Some people aren't forever, they're better in precise places and times. I love you in that moment right there.

Listening: Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend

Is it better to have a difficult life full of meaning or an empty easy life? My favorite piece of literature struggles with this, and I have spent a lot of time considering that question. A lot of people who write, who are creative, describe dark feelings as being a muse. My most intense relationships have been emotionally schizophrenic, the bad being so bad made the good stratospheric and intoxicating. In a canvas of dark, the point of light is brighter, in a Renoir all the warm colors bleed together.

My newer question is whether it is better to live a simple life where every event is meaningful, or to take a full life where the world will offer a multitude of experiences and moments and people. The downside to the full life is not a raging drug problem, it's that maybe you lose the ability to feel meaningful on a small scale. The risk is that the full life may not last forever, may not be compatible with stability, may not fully make sense.

Listening: Buddy Guy - Catfish Blues