I missed it so much today.

I realized I was filling the stillness with the things we fill things with. There used to be no space to fill. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be, just here and now.

I flip through the pictures and wonder what they're doing. How everyone is. I read the news and wonder how it affects them. It's funny because my life here is so good, so full, but it's not there and it's not like that. I tell myself not to run back too fast because I've built a life here and I'd run the risk of never coming back. I tell myself it will happen, sixteen months from now, I'll just show up on a doorstep with unbrushed hair and no pretenses, but I really don't know for sure. I have to believe it will happen or sometimes I think I might go crazy.